Opinion: People Don’t Need Kneecaps


Kayli Slayden, Staff Writer

You don’t need kneecaps to function. Someone could come up and slice your kneecaps off, and you’d be perfectly fine (aside from the temporary, if profuse, bleeding from the slice wound). For one thing, you would still be alive. Kneecaps are not necessary to one’s survival. They are not essential organs, they are not major pathways for blood transportation, and they do not regulate any kind of internal homeostasis. For another thing, you would no longer have the problem of accidentally bumping them into table corners and doorways. You also wouldn’t have to endure the horrible feeling of your kneecaps moving around under your skin when you have a small child sitting on your lap. In reality, you might be better off without your kneecaps.

Whenever kneecaps are brought up in a conversation, it’s almost always a complaint, most likely because they whacked it against something. No one ever brings up the subject of kneecaps with a smile on their face, and if they do, I would be very concerned for them. There would be many benefits to ridding yourself of your kneecaps. The specific example that greatly appeals to me is the fact that you would be able to bend your knees all the way forward, making it significantly easier to frighten your friends and family. (I’m sure there are other advantages to the kneecap-less lifestyle, but as of now, that’s the only one that has been discussed and agreed upon.) Of course, you don’t have to chop your kneecaps off, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to rid yourself of all unnecessary, earthly restraints. A world without kneecaps would be a simpler world.