Condiments are very important. They were created to give life to the food we eat. To get children to eat carrots, ranch provides flavor. Ranch and carrots is a classic example of the perfect pairing between food and condiment, while combining carrots and Ketchup would be terrible.
Mustard and Ketchup on hot dogs and hamburgers. Soy sauce and sushi. They are all good together and everyone knows it.
There aren’t just good and bad combinations of condiments, there are also just good and bad condiments. In my opinion, ranch is the best. It is truly universal. Ranch can do no wrong. It can go on salads to make you feel healthier, it tricks children into eating vegetables, it goes with chicken, pizza, and really anything you want it to.
But mayonnaise is the absolute worst.
It is like the weird cousin of condiments.
It just looks gross. The color doesn’t seem natural in any sense.
The texture makes me gag. This past weekend my mom and I took a road trip. We stopped at my grandparents house and my sweet grandmother packed us sandwiches, but my mom’s sandwich had mayo. Some of the extra mayo got on the outside of the bag and I accidently touched it, and I wanted to vomit. It felt very thick when I didn’t expect it to be. When I see mayonnaise, I see large jars filled to the brim of the white gooey substance, tinted with a sour smell, that need to be scooped into smaller quantities at a camp I worked at.
Mayo is not very versatile. Sure, you can put it on a sandwich and add it to a couple of recipes. But what about burgers, hot dogs, french fries, and pizza? With the most important foods, there is no use for mayo. You could mix mayonnaise with Ketchup for a dipping sauce, but why would you want to?
The raw egg yolks, vinegar, oil, and lemon juice that make up mayonnaise may not be harmful to your body, but how does it make you feel that it is listed in a category along with petroleum jelly and mineral oils that can kill lice?
While I’m all for people using condiments to bring life to their food, we should rid our society of the thick, off-white condiment and put our efforts into lifting up a better, more superior condiment: ranch.